In general, men focus in hierarchy and women in connection. Boys always use talk to negotiate their status within a group, while girls use talk to negotiate closeness. This difference can cause misunderstanding with apologies, for example when a man makes some small transgression, his wife might feel that if he’d just say, “I’m sorry,” it would be over. But he won’t, and then you end up arguing about why he won’t apologize. For many women, an apology means, “I care that I let you down; I care about you.” If he doesn’t apologize, it’s like he doesn’t care. But for men, asking for an apology is a demand that he publicly humiliate himself. He thinks apologizing is a sign of weakness, and that you’ll use it against him, because that what another man would do. So when you say, “why won’t you apologize?’ he hears, “I caught you in an error and I’m going to rub your nose in it.
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